


Shaky Hands

by lucky_katebishop



Series: Flufftober 2019 [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Domestic Avengers, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Flufftober 2019, Gen, Humor, Peter Parker is a Little Shit, Steve Rogers Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Whumptober 2019, clint is in the vents because why the fuck not, steve/bucky if you squint - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-11
Updated: 2019-10-11
Packaged: 2020-12-07 23:44:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20984387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lucky_katebishop/pseuds/lucky_katebishop
Summary: Steve and Tony give Peter girl advice (advice that Peter did not ask for). Peter is so fed up with the two.





	Shaky Hands

**Author's Note:**

> There are a couple little Easter Eggs in here, referencing other TV shows (it's so meta) so if you catch any of them, (lol there's like 2) let me know! You don't get a prize, but you will get my respect, which is infinitely worse. Also, I decided not to do whumptober because I'm trying to get into more comedy, so I'm using all the whumptober prompts and making them fluffy... it's really difficult but it's a fun challenge.

“Michelle, we’ve known each other for a long time. Well, two years, but that’s still significant. I think you’re really cool and you always call me on my bullshit, and I just… I wanted to know if you would go out with me?” 

Peter stared back at himself in the mirror in his bedroom at the compound, and groaned. 

“No, that’s too much,” Peter said as he rubbed his face. 

His crush on MJ had snuck up on him, resulting in a confused lunch when MJ was arguing with Ned about the effects of horror movies on society. He had realized, when she was threatening to hit Ned with her water bottle that he actually  _ liked  _ her. Like, romantically. With feelings and all that shit. 

He’d tried asking her out before, but he always chickened out at the last minute. 

He’d start forming the words in his head, but his words wouldn’t catch up with his mouth, causing him to look at her in complete silence, his eyes wide with anxiety and his mouth wide open. 

“‘Kay, Parker. Good talk,” Michelle would always say before walking away. 

Ned always had to prevent Peter from pounding his head into the lockers. 

So, suffice to say that Peter was a wreck. 

“MJ, I was wondering if you’d do me the honor of going out with me?” 

_ No, too formal.  _

Still, it was better than some of his other ones. 

“Be my girlfriend? I promise you tons of traumatic backstory details but also… food, so.” 

“I’m very small, and I have no money, but would you want to date me?” 

“I swing both ways, and one of them just happens to be in your direction. Go out with me?” 

“Hey, girl, you wanna go out with me?” (this one was done with a spin and finger guns)

Peter was aware that he was awful at this. However, Peter was  _ not  _ aware that Steve Rogers was standing in the doorway, watching him make a fool of himself. His spidey-sense had been going off, but he thought it was just nerves. 

“How you doing, kid?” Steve asked against the doorframe, his arms crossed. 

Peter froze. 

_ Oh God, how much did he hear?  _

“Oh, hey, Steve. What’cha doin’?” Peter asked, trying to act nonchalantly. 

“Who’s Michelle?” Steve asked.

_ Right, he’s a superhero with super abilities. Cool. Cool cool cool.  _

“A girl from school. I, uh, I wanted to ask her out.” 

Steve walked in the room and sat on Peter’s bed. 

“You know, I was like you back in the day. I had no luck when it came to the gals. Bucky was the one who had more skill than me. Maybe he could help you out in that department,” Steve suggested. 

Peter thought of asking Bucky, the man who looked threatening even baking cookies. He considered scenarios of questions he could ask him, but it just made his stomach nauseous. 

“Bucky, really?” Peter asked, unsure. 

“Hey, he was a stud back in the day,” Steve said, while taking out a picture of Bucky from the 40s from his wallet. He handed it to Peter. 

_ He  _ was _ cute,  _ Peter thought. 

“You keep a picture of him in your wallet?” Peter asked, inspecting the picture more closely. 

He’d never seen Bucky smile like that. Well, he never even saw him smile. The closest thing to a smile he ever saw was Bucky’s rare smirks. 

Peter wondered what happened to make someone go from being incredibly photogenic and ooze charm to someone that, well, didn’t like to be the result of attention. He hoped that what happened to Bucky never happened to him, or anyone else he loved for that matter. Or something even close. 

Peter, unable to think about it any longer, handed the picture back to Steve. 

“I keep trying to take a more modern photo of him, but every time he takes the camera from my hands and takes pictures of me instead,” Steve shrugs, looking at the picture with a fond smile. 

_ Huh.  _

Peter decided to put that in the back of his mind for now, but deciding to inspect it more when he wasn’t freaking out about MJ. 

“Have you tried asking Tony for advice?” Steve asked. “He has loads of experience with asking women out.” 

“I don’t know, it’s kind of embarrassing,” Peter admitted. “Asking Mr. Stark for girl advice? Seems a little desperate.” 

On cue, Peter’s infamous Parker Luck swooped in. 

“Did you just say asking for my advice was desperate?” Mr. Stark asked, leaning against the door frame. 

_ He seriously had to shut his door from now on.  _

“Kid, I’m hurt. You know you can always come to me,” Tony said, walking in the room, sitting beside Peter on the bed. Peter was stuck in sandwich between Tony and Steve, making him feel on display and  _ very  _ uncomfortable, what with how embarrassed he was of his lack of experience with the opposite sex… or the same sex. Really, anybody. 

“Um, it’s kind of a sensitive issue,” Peter said. Tony raised an eyebrow and looked at Steve. 

“What kind of sensitive issue? Are you okay? Are you being bullied by that Thompson kid again? Did you and Ned get into a little kerfuffle?” 

“He was asking me for girl advice,” Steve said, amusement in his voice. Peter sent him daggers. 

“ _ Oh _ ,” Tony said, “well, Peter, when two people love each other, or well, they don’t even have to love each other, God knows I didn’t love half the people I slept with, but, hey, that’s a different issue, all I’m saying is that sex is natural-” 

Peter leapt up out of the bed and shook his head vehemently. 

“Okay, yeah, no, I, uh, I’m fine. I don’t need  _ two  _ Avengers giving me the sex talk, thanks, I’m scarred enough as it is,” Peter said, avoiding their eyes. 

“Two?” Steve and Tony asked at the same time. 

“You know, your school sanctioned videotape declaring that waiting until marriage is rad and hip?”

Steve cringed inwardly while Tony started looking it up on his phone. 

“Oh my God, I can’t wait until movie night, this is going to be amazing,” Tony chuckled when he got the video. 

“Hi, I’m Captain America. Take it from me, celibacy is rad. The real American dream is waiting until marriage-” 

Steve attempted to grab the phone from Tony’s hand, and ended up tackling him. 

“S.H.I.E.L.D said that it would help with publicity!” Steve whined as he grabbed Tony’s phone, shutting it off. 

“I didn’t want help with sex!” Peter yelled. Wanda, who was walking by, stopped and looked at the two grown-ass men who were disheveled on Peter’s bed, and turned to Peter. 

“That came out so wrong,” Peter said quickly. “I was just trying to practice asking Michelle out when Steve and Tony tried to teach me what sex was. Verbally.” 

Wanda looked at the three guys in the room and then shook her head and continued walking. Peter shut his door and turned back to the adults. 

“Ah, Peter, if you wanted girl help, all you could’ve done was ask!” Tony said, smiling. 

“But I didn’t want to ask, that’s the thing,” Peter huffed, resting his head against the door. 

“Eh, he could use some help,” Steve muttered to Tony. 

“Is it bad?” Tony asked Steve, as if Peter wasn’t standing  _ right there.  _

“Yeah, it’s pretty bad.” 

“Oh, Jesus, Pete, if Captain Virgin said it’s pretty bad, then you need all the help you can get.” 

“I am not a virgin, Tony,” Steve said with indignation. 

“I’ve seen pictures of you before you became a hunk, and unless you’ve been shacking up with S.H.I.E.L.D agents, I concur that you are so a virg-” 

“I am never asking you guys for advice  _ ever  _ again,” Peter sighed. Tony turned to him. 

“Okay, okay, hold on. So you want to ask your friend Michelle out, right? The scary one who reminds me of Pepper?” Peter nodded his head. “Alright, well, Steve is going to play Michelle and I’ll be you.” 

“No, that’s really not necessary-” Peter started, but he saw Tony get into character and knew that it absolutely no use. This was going to be a shit show.

“Hey, MJ,” Tony said in a high pitched voice. He shoved his sleeves down so they were half covering his hands and he slouched significantly. Peter rolled his eyes.

“Hello, Peter,” Steve said in his regular voice. 

“I think you’re just the coolest gal in the whole world and I was wondering if you wanted to go out with me? My favorite superhero is Iron Man. Of course you’ve heard of him, he’s awesome!” Peter rubbed his face and groaned. 

Now, Peter has seen some shit. He was pretty banged up and had his fair share of trauma, but somehow, he knew this moment would be the one to scar him the most. 

“Sure, I’ll go out with you. But you have to respect me  _ and  _ my goal to dominate the entire world one day,” Steve said. 

“Well, now, if you’re not going to play along, then what’s the point?” Tony complained. 

“Actually he’s pretty in character, I can imagine MJ saying that word for word,” Peter shrugged. 

“That’s it, I’m never offering you girl advice ever again,” Tony said. 

At the same time, Clint popped open the vent and looked down towards Peter, Tony, and Steve. 

“I heard girl advice. Do you need me to come save you, Peter?” Clint asked. 

“Yes please, get me away from these freaks,” Peter pleaded. 

“Do you have any sage girl advice, Clint?” Steve asked, ignoring Peter. 

“I haven’t had much luck with women.” 

“Aren’t you married, Mr. Barton?” Peter asked. 

“Eh,” Clint shrugged, “Well, see ya!” 

And with that, Clint closed the vent and continued crawling through them. 

What the fuck did  _ that  _ mean? 

“You know what? I’m just going to ask May. She was the obvious choice all along and I regret ever knowing you guys, so, thanks,” Peter sighed. 

“I love you, too, kid,” Tony said, ruffling Peter’s hair. 

“Your aunt’s probably a much better choice. Sorry to bother you, Pete,” Steve apologized, leaving along with Tony. Once they left, Peter shut his door and lay on his bed. 

“Well, I’m royally fucked,” Peter groaned. 

The next day, when Peter was at school, he walked up to Michelle when she was at her locker. 

“Hey,” Peter said, his spidey-sense going off like crazy. His hands were shaking like crazy, and he had to put them in his pockets to calm them down. MJ looked up and nodded her head towards him. 

“Hey.” 

_ This was the moment. He  _ was  _ going to ask her out this time. No going back. Remember May’s advice: be yourself. Be yourself. Be yourse- _

“Food?” Peter asked. Michelle looked up from her locker. 

“You want to get food?” she asked. 

“Yeah!” 

“I mean, lunch is in an hour, so,” MJ said. 

“Oh, right,” Peter said disappointedly. 

“What? You don’t like lunch?” MJ asked. 

“No, it’s just, um… MJ, would you maybe want to get food with me sometime? Not at lunch?” 

Michelle studied him for a long moment before giving him a small smile. 

“Sure. But to make sure, this is a date, right?” 

Peter let out a relieved sigh. 

“Yeah, yeah, it is.” 

Michelle shut her locker and held her books close to her. 

“Okay, cool. I will see you at lunch later, though, right?” MJ asked. 

“Yeah!” 

“Okay, cool. See you then, loser,” Michelle winked, walking away, making Peter feel like he was on a cloud. 

“Hey, good going, kid!” a voice that sounded eerily like Clint’s said softly, making Peter jump into the air. He looked up towards the vents. 

“What the fuck are you doing up there?” Peter whispered angrily. 

“Tony and Steve say they’re proud of you! I’m livestreaming right now on Instagram! Say hi to millions of people!” Clint said, aiming his phone down towards Peter. 

“Get the fuck out my school, you idiot!” Peter yelled, making a few people around him look at him weird. 

“Okay, see you, kid. Good job on asking Michelle out!” Clint said before scuffling away in the vents. 

Peter hiked up his backpack straps and groaned. 

“My life is so weird.” 

But then Peter thought about MJ and smiled. He’d deal with his hectic and chaotic family later. Right now the only thing that filled his head was Michelle. 

**Author's Note:**

> I have a headcannon that Steve Rogers hooked up with Danny Pudi's character in Winter Soldier. Please comment if you liked it, I live on validation.


End file.
